Forever in Levi's Blue Jeans

Levi Johnston might be a dummy, but he sure provided lil' Tripp Palin with some excellent physical genes. A baby that looks like Josh Duhamel and Joshua Jackson? Yes please!

(A) Josh Duhamel            (B) Joshua Jackson           (C) Levi Johnston

How I Met Your Long Lost Mother

Tori Amos, may I present to you your birth mother, Helen Mirren.  Helen, Tori is a gifted pianist and part-time nutbar. Tori, Helen is an Oscar winning actress and full-time bikini babe. 

 

Thank You for Being a Face Friend

In honour of Bea Arthur's sad passing last week, the Face Detectives would like to dedicate some "Ever Wonder..." face math to Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak. So... ever wonder what would happen if Bea Arthur and Teen Angel, Frankie Avalon had a baby? Well, stop wondering!

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Yup! It's Liberace.  

Not-so-Gentle Ben

On the left is my awesome friend Ben. On the right is the actor Eric Balfour. These two share the same bone structure and lanky frame and that's about it. Here are their main differences...

(1) Eric can shoot Chach juice out of his tiny soul patch. Ben's partial beard has no known powers.

(2) Eric is really good at playing drug addicted toe-lovers (Six Feet Under) and fiance-beaters (The O.C.). Ben has no fiance. 

(3) Eric will definitely play Waluigi (Luigi's evil counterpart) in the next live action Super Mario Bros. movie.  Ben can't act. 

Mama Mia! It's a Mouse Face!

Known in some circles as the Rolls Royce of Mouse Faces, Christine Baranski is undoubtedly Queen of the Mus Musculus.

And if demand for middle-aged, alcoholic, WASPy sidekicks ever dries up, Christine can head straight to Disney World and take her rightful place alongside Mickey.  

That's right Minnie, laugh it up while you still can - your days are numbered...

The Brothers Brody

Here is an unusual looking chap by the name of Marty Feldman. Marty was an award-winning British comedy writer and sometime actor. And while I think it's in bad taste to make fun of Marty's bulging eyes, I have zero qualms about mercilessly teasing him for being Twinsies with...

... Super Douche, Adrien Brody.  

Carl-melized Candy

What do you think would happen if I stood in front of a mirror and repeated Carl from The Simpsons name five times? Let's see, shall we? "Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl, Carl!"

Oh, God! What have I done? Sweet Mother of Moses, it's...

...CANDYMAN!!!!!!

Highway to the Dangerously Obese Zone

Back in the 80s, you needn't have been a Face Detective to differentiate between Val Kilmer and Gerard Depardieu. Here, see both actors during the 1980s.

But, oh, how the Iceman hath fallen. Observe these recent snaps where you'd be forgiven for assuming that Val was the dirty little secret of the Depardieu family. 

If these two don't share a nose, then I will hand in my magnifying glass this instant. Can you imagine being Val? Gerard has had his whole life to get used to that heinous honker, where as Kilmer was once a beach volleyball-playing babe magnet. Who knew that Goose would wind up being the most desirable dude in the Top Gun clan. 

Party of Two

This next post dates backs to the Face Detectives' days as a couple of sassy Montreal students (okay, maybe we weren't so sassy). Face #1 is quite obviously Matthew Fox, at the time Charlie Salinger from PO5 reruns, and now the fantastic Dr. Jack from Lost...

And Man #2 is, of course, Matthew Fox wearing a ridiculous wig he borrowed from a brunette Little Orphan Annie, right? Wrong! Man 2 is in fact Ethan Zohn, aka the winner of Survivor, Season 3. At this point Zohn has faded into the abyss of obscure pop cultural relics past, but given the insane success of Lost, we highly suggest a side career standing in for Jack at nerdy sci-fi conventions. 

Th-th-th-th-that's all Canada

Poor John Tory. A failed mayoral campaign, a failed bid to be premier. The guy couldn't even win a seat in Haliburton. But take heart JT, the Face Detectives have stumbled across one contest you just can't lose: man who looks most like...

...Porky Pig. Congrats Mr. Tory. You've got our vote!

Little People, Big Casting Opps

I've got good news and bad news for Linda Hamilton. The good news is she's a shoe-in to play Amy Roloff if they ever make a Little People, Big World movie. The bad news is - it's unlikely Hollywood will hire an average sized person to play a little person (unless the rest of the cast is played by giants). 

In a related matter, good news Amy Roloff! If they ever make a little person version of Terminator...

Meet the Parents

Rex Murphy isn't just the darling of the CBC, he's also the abandoned child of...

...Bird Parents!

Clickety Click: The Ultimate Barba Trick

Alright Barbapapa, you've had your fun and now it's time to 'fess up to moonlighting as Grimace from the McDonaldland gang. I know you got all those Barbababies to feed and Lord knows Barbamama's hair flowers aren't gonna buy themselves, but enough is enough. Quit using your shape shifting gift for ill gotten gains and start doing something worthwhile, like impersonating Angelina Jolie so you can seamlessly slink into Brad Pitt's bed at night. 

The Jig is Up

Blythe Danner (Gwyneth's mom) and Shelley Long (Diane from Cheers) are the same person. Don't believe me? Behold my three-pronged evidence attack...   

(1) They have never been seen in the same room together. 

(2) They have the same hair cut. 

(3) Diane has a fake British accent (she calls "Sam", "Sahm") and so does Gwyneth (she pronounces "Anthony", "Antony"). 

An Officer and a Skeleton

Above is my friend Gabe, a handsome devil who just happens to be the fraternal face twin of...

...a young (and impressively buff) Richard Gere. Sadly, Gabe refused to remove his shirt for the photo shoot. He also refused to hold a small skeleton. Some people. 

Curb Your Enthusiastic Mouse Face

Squeek squeek Cheryl Hines. Don't play innocent with us. 

Mother Puckers

Ellen Pompeo: Hello Bridget Jones

Rene Zellweger: Oh, hi there Dr. Meredith Grey, what's up? 

EP: I'm just perfecting my camera face.

RZ: Oh yeah. What is it?

EP: Everytime anyone is about to take a picture, I pretend I'm sucking on a lemon.

RZ: Oh please! I invented that move years ago. 

EP: As if. Next you're going to tell me you invented being alarmingly thin.

RZ: Piss off.

EP: You piss off. I can see half your boob.

RZ: Oh yeah, well I can see your entire nipple.

Little People, Big Office

According to the internet,  BJ Novak from The Office and Zach Roloff from Little People, Big World are not related. But I found two pictures that say: "In your face, Internet".  

Zach (above) actually has a fraternal twin brother, Jeremy (below) but he just doesn't hold a candle to BJ's uncanny resemblance. 

So even in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary (including the fact BJ is a whopping 11 years older than the twins), I'm  gonna have to go ahead and cry "switched at birth".  

Zac Efron King of the World

Dear Zac Efron - I love you. But so do a million other tweens and cougars - so I'll settle for admiring you from afar. However, I do not love your face twin, Kevin Zegers (Transamerica, The Jane Austen Book Club).

Shocking, isn't it? These pics really make a mockery of any Chace Crawford/Efron comparisons. But you see, Kevin doesn't always look like this. And when he's not impersonating Zac Efron, he's parading around as a living, breathing "Mouse Face" (see below).

They walk amongst us...

Here's a Story, of an Ugly Mouse Face...

As I mentioned in an earlier post, a person with a "Mouse Face" has the most dreaded face of all. Miss Bianca from The Rescuers is of course the original "Mouse Face" because she's an actual mouse. As for the rest of the bunch - I'd like to know what's their excuse ...

(A) Katrina "Mouse Droppings" Campins from the original Apprenctice.  

(B) Elizabeth "Pass the Cheese" Hasselbeck from The View.

(C)  Vicki "Who me? I'm just an old lady with a Mouse Face" Gunvalson from The Real Housewives of Orange County  

(D) Chrisstaffurrr "I actually have more of a Rat Face" Moltisanti from The Sopranos.  

The Venga Wise Guys Are Coming!

Sometimes it's really hard to watch The Sopranos. And not because of the excessive violence. Except maybe that time Ralphie stomped his pregnant stripper girlfriend to death (psst Joe Pantoliano - when you gonna play a good guy who doesn't wear funny hats?).  Anyhow - it's hard to watch because every time I see Corrado Soprano, all I hear is:  "The Vengabus is coming, And everybody's jumping, New York to San Franciso, An inner city disco..." And there can only be one reason for that... 

Because he's twinsies with the terrifying dancing old dude from the Six Flags Darien Lake commercials. 

Who is also twinsies with...  

Mr. Turtle - the mascot for Nestle's Turtle Chocolates (and Mr. Peanut's fancier cousin). 

Gone Wizard Dwarf Baby Gone

Ever wonder what would happen if Ed Harris and Woody Harrelson had a wizard dwarf baby? Well... stop wondering!

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A big thanks to the casting directors of The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian and Peter Dinklage's real parents for scratching this super specific hybrid itch. 

America's Next Top Co-Worker

Above is a picture of my awesome co-worker Carley. Below is a picture of the ANTM Cycle 10 winner Whitney Thompson. If you can find evidence that these two are not twins, I would like to hear it. One small disclaimer: The Whitney pic has been plucked, polished and airbrushed to death, meanwhile my natural beauty co-worker is au natural. Take that Tyra!