Re-Cast: The Sopranos - Part I

There'll probably never be a Sopranos movie, but if David Chase thinks his artistic integrity is gonna prevent the Face Detective from doing a re-cast, he is DEAD WRONG! 

Meadow Soprano:  Jamie-Lynn Sigler is probably too busy smooching Turtle from Entourage to shoot a movie, so hopefully the hero dude (yup, dude looks like a tween girl) from The NeverEnding Story will step-up. 

Carmela Soprano: I'm sorry - Edie Falco looks like Rod Stewart. Deal with it. 

A.J. Soprano: Robert Iler is by far my fave Soprano and so it's only right that my fave boy wizard will play AJ on the big screen. That is, if  Professor "rules are rules" McGonagall will let him take a sabbatical from Hogwarts. 

Aaron "Nosferatu" Carter

According to wiki, Aaron Carter (Nick's younger bro) is 21 years old. According to his picture at last Sunday's MMVA awards, he is 379 years old.

Dude! Eat a sandwich, or at least suck the blood of some virgins 'cause you're beginning to look a lot like this guy...

You say Angelina, I say Carol Alt

Many people think Megan Fox is Angelina Jolie's carbon copy (that includes you, lady at the Globe & Mail). But many people don't have websites dedicated to face twins, sooooo I'm pretty sure I'm qualified to tell you that Fox is actually twinsies with 80s supermodel, Carol Alt.

Soleil Moon Marriage

If you don't already watch Millionaire Matchmaker, you should! The douchebaggery is something to behold. Not to mention the star of the show, Patti Stranger (right), is twinsies with a grown-up Punky Brewster, the sassiest orphan around (sorry Annie). 

Crazy in Cosby

Solange Knowles may forever be stuck in her sister's shadow - but Beyonce's never gonna have a baby that looks exactly like Olivia from The Cosby Show. You heard me, Beyonce - you can take your personal and professional success and shove it - Solange has a kid who hides Dr. Huxtable's potato-chip hoagies in the sofa and you don't!

My Sister's Opera Ballad?

As far as I know, My Sister's Keeper, is not about a blind mother's struggle to raise her kids. So why the devil does the movie poster depict Cameron Diaz as famed blind tenor, Andrea Bocelli?

Kitty Killa, Qu'est Que C'est

So, they finally caught the cat serial killer (which I'm told is quite different than a cat burglar) and he just so happens to be twins with...

Samantha Ronson - a totally different kind of kitty slayer.

Pope BP, The Second

John Paul II is toats my fave pope. Partly because he looks about a million times friendlier than Ratzinger (think an Ewok vs Chancellor Palpatine) and partly because...

He's twins with the loveable Bill Pullman! 

Re-Cast: The Facts of Life

The Facts of Life was a great show with a fab theme song. I re-cast "Jo" a few posts ago and now here are the rest of my picks. 

 

Before there was Blair Waldorf, there was Blair Warner - a spoiled New York princess who was jealous of her standup "comedian" cousin, Geri, ("I'm not drunk, I just have cerebral palsy!" Awww). Anyhoo, Blair looks like Miss Piggy. 

Oh, Tootie. When you weren't rollerskating around, you were filling bongs with Jelly Beans, modeling for child pornographists, and getting lured into child prostitution. Tootie and Pearl from 227 have matching hair cuts. Pearl was also no stranger to trouble - filling bongs with lace doilies and getting mixed up with old lady pornographists... 

Before Cloris Leachman shook her 82-year-old wares on Dancing with the Stars, she played Mrs. Garrett's sassy sister, Beverly Ann, who took over "Edna's Edibles" when Mrs. G ran off to Africa to join the Peace Corps (for realsies). And it just so happens that Barry Manilow looks a lot like Cloris Leachman (and a mouse, for that matter). 

Re-Cast: Little House - Eliza Wilder

Remember Eliza Jane Wilder? She was the prim, school teaching sister of Almanzo "Manly" Wilder and eventually Laura Ingalls' sister-in-law. She is also face twins with Anthony Rapp, a former Face Detective crush and the guy who played the smart alec in Adventures in Babysitting.  

Attention all Upper East Siders

Spotted! An older, dare I say, "more seasoned" version of the devilish Chuck Bass. 

I was in NYC this weekend and had an OMFGG moment when I spotted a twinsie of the best character on Gossip Girl (sorry Dorota). I gave up my place in the bathroom line to take this man's picture. He was more than happy to comply, unlike Chuck Bass who would've either tasered or deported me. xoxo

Basketball Boots

I can't decide whether it's Jose Calderone's joyous readiness to throw his hands in the air or his googly eyes that make him a dead ringer for...

Dora the Explorer's very own Watson, Boots!

And because I don't watch sports, this long lost twinsie connection would never have been made without my friend Shelley's exposure to Toronto basketball and animated sidekicks. 

Cobra: The Next Generation

I was searching for pictures of Data from Star Trek: The Next Generation and I stumbled upon a sketch of the sentient android. The artist must've got a little confused (which, funnily enough, is the only "emotion" Data ever seems to feel) because the drawing should've looked like this:

But it ended up looking like this...

Which actually makes Data look more like this ...

And a little like this...

Wow! A Sylvester Stallone/Star Trek/Canadian Idol Fan?! I hope he's single...

The Real House-Whores of New York City

If Bethenny Frankel ever runs out of money she can always tell Charlie Sheen she's Heidi Fleiss and collect her paycheck. 

A Mid-Sumner Night's Face Dream

What the F is up with Mattew McConaughey's face? It looks like he stood in front of a heat lamp for too long.  Or...

He followed the "imitation is the sincerest form of flattery" route and decided to suck up to Sumner Redstone (the owner of CBS, MTV, Paramount and Dreamworks) by copying his face using silly-putty and a pair of dull, staring, dead eyes. 

Little People with Mouse Faces Unite!

Remember The Littles? A cartoon about half-mouse/half-human Little People that made elevators out of old milk cartons? Naturally, I was a gigantic (ha!) fan and if they ever do a live-action remake, here are my casting pics...

(1) The perky matriarch of the family, Helen Little, will be played by every-mom and professional perkster, Sandy "Glass Eye" Duncan. 

(2) The role of Papa Little will be awarded to one half of the smooth-crooning duo Hall & Oates, John Oates. 

(3) And the role of cantankerous Grandpa Little goes to... Ron Howard's weird looking brother, Clint!* 

(*Clint actually looks more like "Grandpa Little" in the movie, Far and Away, but there are zero stills of him playing the lecherous AND cantankerous foreman of the chicken factory where Nicole Kidman works).