Gwynnie Get Your Gizzard*!

O, M to the G! And this time that 'G' stands for 'Gwyenth'. As in: "Good God, Gwyneth - whose got your gizzard?" Why would anyone want to make their long, luxurious neck disappear? Is this one of Gwyneth's ploys to convince Middle America that she's just like them? Look Ma, no neck! Also, why would anyone want to look like their celebrity trainer, Tracy Anderson?

*I've been operating under the assumption that "gizzard" means "neck" for a very long time. It doesn't. Oh well.

The Dark Crystal Meth

I never actually saw the Jim Henson movie, The Dark Crystal, but I definitely pretended I'd seen it when the topic came up at school. Anyway, Gwyneth's famous personal trainer, Tracy Anderson, looks exactly like the girl from The Dark Crystal (with a touch of the Kristin Cavillari brush). Also, Gwyneth sang with some Henson puppets tonight at the Grammys, so Tracy's only 1 degree of separation away from her muppet twin!

The Jig is Up

Blythe Danner (Gwyneth's mom) and Shelley Long (Diane from Cheers) are the same person. Don't believe me? Behold my three-pronged evidence attack...   

(1) They have never been seen in the same room together. 

(2) They have the same hair cut. 

(3) Diane has a fake British accent (she calls "Sam", "Sahm") and so does Gwyneth (she pronounces "Anthony", "Antony").