He Ain't Albert Ingalls, He's my Brother

I'm a giant fan of Little House on the Prairie (remember the awesome episode when that crazy lady kidnaps Laura and stashes her in the root cellar?) but a little bit of the Little House experience was cheapened for me on Thursday when I attended the opening of Little House: The Musical. Melissa Gilbert (TV Laura) played "Ma" (if Ma starred in the movie Fargo). And if you've ever thought to yourself - hey, I wonder if Melissa Gilbert can sing? The answer is: NO!

Anyway, I left at intermission and so I don't know if Albert Ingalls shows up in the 2nd act, but I do know that he looks a lot like my brother in 1980. Although my brother has never accidentally set fire to a school for the blind (as far as I know), or pretended to be blind, ordeveloped an addiction to morphine. He is, however, sporting a chapeau befitting the 1880s.

Fun Fact: The second most fun thing about Thursday night was discovering that Melissa Gilbert's son (dad is Bruce Boxleitner of Scarecrow and Mrs. King fame) plays Willy Olsen in the musical. The most fun thing? Snickering in my seat as the actors simulated an especially bumpy prairie ride atop a makeshift wagon. Because... well, because it looked like they were having sex. There, I said it.

Re-Cast: Little House - Eliza Wilder

Remember Eliza Jane Wilder? She was the prim, school teaching sister of Almanzo "Manly" Wilder and eventually Laura Ingalls' sister-in-law. She is also face twins with Anthony Rapp, a former Face Detective crush and the guy who played the smart alec in Adventures in Babysitting.  

Re-Cast: Little House - Laura

Mini Laura Ingalls was just about the cutest thing ever (especially when she was scampering around with her faux-rabid raccoon, Jasper). But all things pass and Melissa Gilbert grew up and married Bruce Boxleitner ("Scarecrow" from Scarecrow and Mrs. King). Luckily Violet Affleck is the perfect replacement for the future mini Laura "Half Pint" Ingalls.  

Re-Cast: Little House - Mr. Edwards

I thought to myself, who could possibly fill the rugged, salt-of-the-earth, rough-and-tumble shoes of Mr. Isaiah Edwards? Joaquin Phoenix? Nah, his beard is just a little too affected. So I went with my second choice... 

... Luciano Pavarotti! 

This casting will come in especially handy when Little House on the Prairie does their musical episode in heaven (or hell).

Re-Cast: Little House - Jan Ingalls

Little House on the Prairie is one of the best shows ever and I really hope no one ever does a remake (that means you, Darren Star) but I see no harm in re-casting the show for sport. First up, "Ma". 

I certainly hope Jan from The Office looks as hot thrashing wheat as Caroline Ingalls did.