Gummi Bears... Bouncing Here and There and Everywhere!

Does anyone remember what the Gummi Bears actually did? Besides being "dashing and daring, courageous and caring" and drinking amphetamine laced gummi-berry juice?

Sunni Gummi: Someone in the cartoon biz sure had a hard-on for Sandy Duncan because there are several doppelgangers of this perma-perkster floating around the 80s Saturday morning lineup. 

Grammi Gummi:  "Want a gummy bear? They've been in my pocket all day. They're real warm and soft..." Remember the devoted and totally spastic secretary from Ferris Bueller's Day Off? Well, Edie McClurg also played the devoted and totally spastic next-door-neighbour (alongside Miss Sandy Ducnan) in Valerie's Family. She is also the poor man's Mrs. Garrett. 

C.O.P.S. - Bad Guy/Good Guy

All right - so I was supposed to do a slew of good guys from C.O.P.S. but I ran out of look-a-likes (suggestions welcome). So here's a bad guy and a good guy. 

Buttons Mc Boom Boom: I'm sorry - have you ever heard of a better name than Buttons Mc Boom-Boom? Why isn't that my name? A prohibition era moniker is fantastic and Martin Landau (who is about 113 years old) is definitely familiar with the concept of speakeasies (speakeasys?).

Sun-Down: "Down" being the operative word here. Yup. Sundown is twinsies with Freddie Mercury. Deal with it. 

Little People, Big Daddy

Richard Gere's had a bumpy career but I think portraying Little Person dad, Matt Roloff, could be the biggest role of his life. 

And if this re-cast wet your whistle - then check out who'll be playing mom Amy and son Zach. 

C.O.P.S. - Bad Guys Edition - Part I

C.O.P.S. was a great after-school cartoon. There were clearly defined good guys v. bad guys (Ratzinger would approve) and I'm almost positive the voice of City TV does the theme song. A few posts back, I cast Big Boss so I'll move right along to the rest of the crew. 

Rock Krusher: This beefy monster will be played by his human counterpart, football star turned "actor", Vinne Jones. Or as I like to call him, "Scene Krusher". 

Beserko: I had a tough time choosing between Dolph Lundgren and Gary Busey. But as the wiki page insists, Beserko's defining feature is: "his gross incompetence and overall stupidity", so I went with Dolph. 

Miss Demeanor: When my nine year old self figured out her name was a play on "misdemeanor", I was BLOWN AWAY by the cleverness. Wiki describes M.D. as having "an ugly looking face like a witch" (whoa, someone has an issue with strong women) and while I don't think this description is true of Illeana Douglas, there is no denying their twinship. 

Little People with Mouse Faces Unite!

Remember The Littles? A cartoon about half-mouse/half-human Little People that made elevators out of old milk cartons? Naturally, I was a gigantic (ha!) fan and if they ever do a live-action remake, here are my casting pics...

(1) The perky matriarch of the family, Helen Little, will be played by every-mom and professional perkster, Sandy "Glass Eye" Duncan. 

(2) The role of Papa Little will be awarded to one half of the smooth-crooning duo Hall & Oates, John Oates. 

(3) And the role of cantankerous Grandpa Little goes to... Ron Howard's weird looking brother, Clint!* 

(*Clint actually looks more like "Grandpa Little" in the movie, Far and Away, but there are zero stills of him playing the lecherous AND cantankerous foreman of the chicken factory where Nicole Kidman works). 

Re-Cast: Little House - Laura

Mini Laura Ingalls was just about the cutest thing ever (especially when she was scampering around with her faux-rabid raccoon, Jasper). But all things pass and Melissa Gilbert grew up and married Bruce Boxleitner ("Scarecrow" from Scarecrow and Mrs. King). Luckily Violet Affleck is the perfect replacement for the future mini Laura "Half Pint" Ingalls.  

Re-Cast: The Facts of Life - Jo

It is a fact of life that Jo from The Facts of Life is twinsies with Val Kilmer in Willow. 

Although if Val wants to play Jo, he'll have to lose that earring. Her staunch tomboyism prohibits all accessories that cannot be qualified as "sports equipment". 

Re-Cast: Little House - Mr. Edwards

I thought to myself, who could possibly fill the rugged, salt-of-the-earth, rough-and-tumble shoes of Mr. Isaiah Edwards? Joaquin Phoenix? Nah, his beard is just a little too affected. So I went with my second choice... 

... Luciano Pavarotti! 

This casting will come in especially handy when Little House on the Prairie does their musical episode in heaven (or hell).

Re-Cast: Little House - Jan Ingalls

Little House on the Prairie is one of the best shows ever and I really hope no one ever does a remake (that means you, Darren Star) but I see no harm in re-casting the show for sport. First up, "Ma". 

I certainly hope Jan from The Office looks as hot thrashing wheat as Caroline Ingalls did.